You May Be Too Old for the Gig if...
(A few clues to tell when you're past prime time)
Your gig stool needs to have a back.
You need a nap before the gig.
The waitress is actually your daughter
All your fans get up and leave by 9:30 p.m.
You feel like hell before the gig even starts.
You prefer a music stand with a light.
It's more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.
Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.
All you want from groupies is a nice foot massage and back rub.
You like taking the elevator since you can sing along with most of your playlist.
Instead of adding another member, your band wants to hire a roadie.
You forgot where you put the directions to the gig.
You need your glasses to see the amp settings.
You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
Most of your crowd just sits and sways in their seats.
You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.
You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
You refuse to play without wearing earplugs.
You're related to at least one member in the band.
You hope the host's speech lasts forever.
You never let any one else sit-in on a tune.
After the third set, you ask the club manager to let you quit early.
During the breaks, you go to your van to lie down and rest your eyes.
You don't recover from the gig until Tuesday afternoon.
You buy amps because of their weight, not their tone or cool factor.
You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days.
You can remember at least seven different club names for the same location.
You feel guilty looking at hot women at the bar since they're younger than your daughter.
You scream at the drummer to stop hitting those annoying cymbals.
You refuse to play out of tune.
Each gig finds you warming up additional body parts.
The after-show party is held at the International House of Pancakes.
You hire band members for their values instead of their talent.
Prepping for the gig involves trimming chin and nose hair.
Most of that hair is gray.
You’re thrilled to get New Year’s Eve off.
You no longer use a tip jar.
You can’t play without a set list.
You say you double on bass.
You discourage playing longer than contracted.
You have a contract.
You know all the words to “Aqualung.”
